Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Stress. Tests.

So I had the first NST today. Last week at my appointment my doc suggested I start coming in every week and get an NST at each appointment. Sign me up!

Non-Stress tests. So ironically named. But you know what? I'd sit in that quiet, dark room for the next 5 weeks, listening to his heartbeat and clicking off every movement in a hot second. Somehow, this stressful procedure calmed me. Because even when he wasn't moving, I knew he was alive. The whooshing of his heartbeat washed my anxiety away, if only for those 30 or so minutes.

And, it was nice and warm and dim, so I nearly fell asleep.

The receptionist keeps asking me if I want to make all my appointments for the rest of my visits. I put her off every time. I still can't bank on it. She asked today if I'll still be pregnant the week after next. I told her I hoped so.

And then there's the amnio and induction in the main tent of my life's circus. We sort of firmed up a date, and I refuse to entertain the possibility that the results with some back negative. Meaning we would have to wait another 2 weeks. Meaning my grip on sanity would come unglued. Can't happen.

But until then, I'm going to keep on keepin on. As best I can.


  1. I know this sounds weird, but at my last NST, the nurse told me that someone recorded the heartbeat as it played. I recorded it on my blackberry, and thought I would never listen to it again. I tend to record myself talking when I am driving and want to write later, and I accidentally listened to it the other day, and God, what an amazing sound. I just wept listening to Thor's heartbeat. Anyway, Non-stress tests are anything but non-stressful. Sending you strength and love through this time. xo

  2. Oh god. I had two of these a week from 33 weeks. I was having three in those last two weeks. Great while you're having them, but I always left leaving freaked out as once they took the monitor off, I felt vulnerable again, especially if he wasn't moving.
    Thinking of you so much in these final weeks.