Friday, October 22, 2010

Day 22--A Website

I can't point my finger directly at one specific website that helped me after Calla died. It was the whole. damn. internet. Seriously. Shortly after her death, I started spending HOURS online, looking for . . . what? Who knows. Something I couldn't hold in my hands, someone to understand, something to help everything make sense. But really nothing did.

Until I discovered the loss community blogosphere we have all found ourselves a part of. I found one blog, and then another, and then I was poaching links from others' blogrolls, jumping into people's lives, trying to find some answers. What the hell happened? You too? Holy shit, we're still alive to tell the tale? Wait, this happened to you more than a year--two years--three years ago? I couldn't get enough of the stories, the histories, the names, the babies.

And I'll admit, I'm a relative rookie to the blog world. I found myself commenting on blog posts without introducing myself, jumping right in as though I'd been there all along. I don't know from blog-iquette.

But then friends, and strangers, and anonymous people, and fellow loss mamas started commenting on MY blog. ME! Someone was actually reading, internalizing, listening. And knowing that made each day a little less lonely. It became helpful for me to type instead of talk. I could get it out of my head without actually having to speak.

So I guess a specific website that was helpful? This one, the one you're reading. Not trying to pat myself on the back or anything. Just trying to be grateful. Thanks for reading, even if it's not interesting. You can't imagine how much it has helped, and continues to help keep me afloat every day.


  1. Can I copy this for my answer .. LOL this is just how I felt and still do :)

  2. Not interesting??!! Ha. I look forward to your posts.

    How'd your appointment go yesterday? Did I miss a post?

  3. Appt went well and fast---NSTs every week so I got right on the monitor and then right in to see my dr. Thankfully--I can exhale until next week ;)