Thursday, November 18, 2010

Settling In and Settling Down

Baby O has been home for a week. I still am in disbelief that he's here, to stay. He is, right now, as mellow as a baby can be. Child can SLEEP, I tell you. E was never like that. He was a great baby, but he was always AWAKE. I've heard tell of these mythical, sleeping newborns, but I never thought I'd meet one in real life. Or have one living in my house. I'm waiting for a unicorn to prance through the backyard soon.

I still don't have the energy for a long post, despite the more-than-anticipated amount of rest I've been getting. I think Baby O is sleeping so much because I NEVER let him sleep while he was inside. He's making up for lost naps.

Would saying thank you make me seem like a shit? Because I don't think I could have made it through this year without so much love and support. I feel a little like I'm delivering my Oscar acceptance speech ("I'd like to thank my OBs, the nurses, and the entire receptionist team . . ."). I can't believe the outpouring of shoulders, ears, and arms I received over the past eleven months. Words of encouragement, ensuring I was, indeed, justified in feeling crazy, sad, hopeful, woeful, scared, and excited.

But that's not to say this living, breathing, pooping (POOPING oh my word) infant erases the memory of our dear little baby girl. Despite maybe some people thinking that might be so. It just doesn't work that way.

So a picture or two. Here are a few of my new favorites:
Like my stylish cuff?

E is far more interested in all his new trucks

Our newest pumpkin
First shot of the four of us
The big and the little

This last one is my favorite. We are happy.

I can still, though, see the little-girl-sized hole.


  1. Bloody beautiful. Happy right to my core to read (and see!) all of this. You're all beautiful.

  2. So happy for you, Mary Beth. You deserve this kind of happiness...and always know that any happiness you feel does not erase your little girl. It's just different... ((hugs))

  3. Beautiful pictures. Sending you love and to that little cutie pie. XO

  4. He's gorgeous! Your whole family is. And Calla will always be missed. I think people are just happy to see you happy and probably afraid of mentioning her in fear that they will upset you. At least I hope that's what it is.

  5. I know that you will continue your journey in grief as this emotional year marches on and you keep settling in. I can only imagine the maternal confusion that ensues when you can be so over the moon with the new little one and yet the way we all feel when we start to imagine infinity and our brains just freeze up. But, just like infinity, there is room in your heart for three and there are little bits of Calla all wrapped up in this new peach of a little baby boy. Your WHOLE family is beautiful, even the one we can't see in pictures, we can still see her in the ones who are here. I am so happy for you, that will you still march on with have JOY as well. Still reading.

  6. A very belated Congratulations on your new addition! He looks absolutely gorgeous, as do the rest of your family.

    This is my first visit here, and i just want to send big ((hugs)) and honor your journey. Calla Valentina is a breath-takingly beautiful name. xo