Thursday, November 11, 2010


Hi y'all. I left things kind of frantically--sorry. Here's the upshot if you're in a hurry: Oliver Orion Scott is officially here, in our arms, breathing. We are completely gaga and are in transition, of course. Life is headed towards The Valley of Insane, coming out the the Land of Crazy.

I'm still a little bit in shock. I mean, good shock. But shock. What a year. And yep, it was 10 months EXACTLY since Calla died that Oliver was born. To the date.

I feel a little bit like I've gotten as close to newborn-instant-gratification as I could have gotten. In the lotto of life, I traded in my losing ticket and won a second chance jackpot. And right now Grief is holding Joy's hand as we walk together down our particular path. When Baby O finally came out, I cried for about 15 minutes straight as I held him. Joy, grief, happiness, sadness, disbelief and relief.

It was surreal--as soon as we walked onto the L+D wing, the EXACT SAME NURSE who greeted us when we went in for Calla was there, taking care of us. And then the next morning the EXACT SAME NURSE who delivered E was with us for Baby O's birth. That night, after he was born (more on that in a different post), three of the nurses who guided us through Calla's death and birth came in to see us. They were so happy for us, and it was a relief to see them, too. They were THERE. THEY knew it was real, they helped me to bring it into balance.

Because as I was pushing Baby O out, it was a complete difference from my labor with Calla. It was calm--I swear, you could hear a pin drop in that delivery room between contractions. I started to cry because I knew, until he came out, it wasn't for sure.

But then I heard him cry. And it was . . . I have not a word for that feeling. Because before, it was a nightmare. When it was silent AFTER she was born.

I am still in disbelief. Disbelief of this entire year. Two babies, bookending 2010. The yin and the yang and the horrible and the sublime. I have harbored and pushed out two completely different beings, one girl--dead--and one boy--very much alive. Both of whom I love with ferocity.

How is it we were planning on two children for our lives, and now we have had three, and only two are with us, and if the second were here, the third most certainly would not; how is it I want them all, don't have them all, but can still find some happiness? And yet still have such sadness within me, too?

Enough for now. Baby O let me sleep quite a bit in the hospital, but I have to get my life back on track here. The mail's not going to read itself, unfortunately.

Thank you so much for all your kind words and well wishes and good thoughts. Another step in the road, ensuring my life will never be the same. I'll be back soon, got lots more to talk about. And I do promise at least one picture, soon.

XO to you all.


  1. CONGRATULATIONS!!! A huge sigh of relief as I read this wonderful news and am amazed at the beauty and eloquence of your thoughts, experiences and words. Thank you for sharing them with all of us.

    Welcome to the outside world little Oliver. I'm so glad you're here! And so glad to hear your birth went so well.

    Much love.

  2. Arghhhhhhhhhhhh! Been waiting for this post! My god, this was one of the best (almost) birth stories I have read. Can't wait for part two with all the gorie details! I'm just so stinkin' happy for you. I know the feeling of that relief when they cry at birth. So bloody sweet.
    And OMG, and I never say OMG, but I love his name. How beautiful and perfect.
    Rest up and enjoy every moment of his newness.
    Love to you and welcome, with much love, baby Oliver Orion!

  3. Relief. Can't wait to meet him...will continue to follow along!

  4. You are beautiful. And WELCOME, sweet boy.

  5. So incredibly happy for you and your family, Mary Beth!!!

    And thank you for letting us into your world during these last few months. I've very much enjoyed reading your posts.

  6. I think I started crying at the title - so happy for you :) I love the name as well it has been in the top of our minds as I love O names for some reason ...

  7. Have been waiting for this post!! Have been thinking of you like crazy and so so so love his name. Can't wait to hear more (and see pics!)!! Remembering Calla, and sending love to you and Oliver.

  8. What a beautiful post MB! I can't wait to meet little O and see the love in your face as you hold him close.

    We readers needed this post to breathe a huge sigh of relief with you. Thank you for sharing! This year has been a very personal journey for your family, but you guys were never in it alone. Hugs and kisses to O as he sleeps tight, with a big brother by his side, and a big sister watching over him from above. xo Nicole F. (from matt's account)

  9. Sob Sob, tear tear. Thank you for that post. It was so comforting...just to know that you made it, to know that the impossible has become possible. I could not be happier for you and your family!!! What a wonderful addition!
    From our family to yours, with very much love and hope...

  10. ♥♥♥♥♥Love to all of You!♥♥♥♥♥

  11. A Heartfelt "CONGRATULATIONS" to you and your blossoming family. Maybe we can have a visit next time that Danika is in town and I can meet your new little man.
    p.s. LOVE the name!

  12. Crying tears of joy for you and your expanded family. Yay!! Congratulations on this very special time.

  13. I can't believe you can be so lucid so soon post-partum! Congratulations and wow.

  14. I am so happy for your family! Suzanne called me this morning to tell me the happy news. Theo can't wait to meet Oliver when he comes for Thanksgiving. I am using Suzanne's account to see your blog. Sandy Boag

  15. YEAH!!!!!!!! Oliver is here@! Love the name (I have an Oliver too ~ he is 6 now)!

    I was so swept up in your post . . . it was riveting! Can't wait to see Oliver's photo. And don't you dare get caught up in mail, just relax and breath it all in. We all will wait!

  16. I am so overjoyed for you. I have shivers running down my back after reading this post. What a beautiful post about all of your children. It is so crazy to have the joy and grief walk hand in hand. I am glad though that you get to experience that! I am thrilled, thrilled, thrilled for you. Love the name. Wishing your whole family much love!