Thursday, May 20, 2010

Set In Stone

Her stone is in. The ground. It's there.

We went to see it today, E and I did. C saw it yesterday and told me about how he's badgered them for weeks to get it in the ground.

I think it's quite beautiful. I'm one who makes quick decisions, I don't hem and haw over little details. But for this, I wanted it to be perfect. It's just the way we wanted it. Look, it even has calla lilies on it. Get it? Calla? Calla LILIES? Too bad I envisioned her carrying calla lilies at her wedding, wearing one at the prom, getting them on silly Valentine's Day, getting them from her father and me. Not calla lilies on her cenotaph.

Which, in case you didn't know, is a grave marker where there actually isn't a grave, but ashes buried or scattered underneath. Oh, the things you learn--see, it's not all fun and games! It's learning, too!

Moving on.

It was a gorgeous, sunny, warm spring day today. E had fun running up and down the hill at the cemetery. I took pictures as best I could and tried really hard not to be sad. We only stayed a little bit. She's not really there.

There are other little ones on her hill, too. Young children keeping her company.

It's not how it's supposed to be. No mother should see her child's gravestone.

But here we are. Here are my two children.


  1. I think of you all the time. Thank you for sharing this heartache of a journey with us. Katie Dolan

  2. It is so beautiful, and so, so sad at the same time.

  3. *hugs* it's a beautiful stone and a beautiful tribute to her life. I love her name, it's so feminine, yet strong.
    wishing you peace.

  4. There are no words to describe the emotion in all of this. Thank you for sharing this personal journey with all of us.
    Nicole Fam.

  5. Oh, MB. We love you and Christopher so much. I have nothing else to say...

  6. I was just checking in on your blog, and the photo took my breath away. It is beautiful, and your children are beautiful-I just wish so much for a different ending. I do love her name and will sing it a bit tonight in the breeze.

  7. Calla Valentina, what an amazingly beautiful name to sing! She is very missed by many.