Thursday, February 25, 2010

Say what?

So it's been quiet around here lately. I've been saving all my words for the memorial service on Saturday. How the heck am I going to do this? What exactly am I to say?

It's difficult to eulogize someone who barely had a life, let alone one that hardly included anyone else but C, E and me. I don't want it to sound like it's all about me--it's actually not about me at all. But Calla's entire life existed inside my body, physically.

This whole thing is all just so WEIRD.

It's like the record skipped, and suddenly the lyrics to the music make no sense. And by the time I catch up with the music, I don't really want to listen anymore, anyways.

And so, I'm off to write what I've been putting off all week. Who can gear herself up to write the words for her lost little girl?


  1. *hugs* I'm sure whatever you say about her will be beautiful. Poems are always nice

  2. How about wing it-you are gifted with expression-Calla will stay with you though it and we will go with you in any direction you need. See you in the morning.

  3. Well, you did it. It was beautiful. You did show your little girl, and perhaps even more importantly your little boy, what a brililant and beautiful woman you are. You're right, winging-it wouldn't have done her justice. The story you crafted was just right. Will be waiting for your next post, to see how you are processing this entire weekend. Now you can let the floodgates go. It's still not fair that you had to go through this-I still don't know what to say that means anything at all. A strange thing did happen this morning as I was getting ready. I have been missing a bracelet I used while I was nursing J, I'd switch it from side to side so I could remember where I left off...I really loved that bracelet-silver and gold, and haven't seen it in about two years. I've looked everywhere. Well, in all my vanity, I thought that I couldn't possibly show up at Calla's memorial service without a purse to match my shoes (black leather, how creative), I grabbed a purse and heard lots of jingling. Looked in, and there it was. Hell, I'd gladly have that bracelet have gone down the toilet if it would somehow have changed all this-but, thank you to little Calla, maybe she graced us all a bit today.

  4. The service was an amazing gathering of love, caring and sharing. Your story - perfect! You and C found just the right words to help us all know Calla. We will not forget. I am singing Calla Valentina as I write this. Big hugs.