I ventured out to the mall today. Needed to get out into the world. Needed to see and feel and touch random stuff. As though shopping for anything could even begin to fill the hole blasted through my chest. (Although I did pick up a pair of electric blue strappy heels I've had my eye on for months. Meh. So what.)
A small victory: I didn't cry. Apparently Sunday is "bring-your-baby-to-the-mall" day--I guess I had forgotten. All the little baby girls in their pink strollers really didn't make me sad. I guess it was because they weren't mine--I wasn't seeing my little baby girl. Now, walking past the cute baby girl clothes on the racks, in the stores--that was a little rough. That led to thinking of the future that can't, won't, be.
But it was OK. For today.