Friday, November 11, 2011

Greetings From The Rock Under Which I've Been Living

***This is a post about my living children. I'm apologizing in advance if this makes you uncomfortable or  sad. I totally understand if you bolt right now. xo

Not really under a rock, but my life has been . . . omigod I don't even have the words for how insane things are over here. My big boy has some things going on that I have been wracking my brain trying to figure out. It started, well, I don't know the exact genesis of E's new behavior, but suffice it to say we haven't actually slept in a week. ONE WEEK.

I am not exaggerating. Every time we try to put him to bed for the night or a nap, homeboy SHRIEKS AND WAILS as though we've strapped him to the sun itself. Jumps out of bed. Runs out of his room. This is a child to whom it had never even occurred that he could get out of bed once he was in it. As in, when he was in a toddler bed 10 inches off the floor he wouldn't even reach down to get something that had fallen out. And now this. Even if we get him to sleep, he wakes up in the middle of the night and one of us has to sleep in his bed with him.

Also? I can't leave the room without him freaking out. Nor can he leave the room without being accompanied by me. I just. I don't get it.

After a trip to the doctor on Tuesday we found out he has an ear infection in both ears, something that manifested itself only in his behavior--atrocious--but no fever or obvious pain. So we've been doing anitbiotics and ibuprofen, and lots of relaxing. Except. Now he's over-tired and wild and cranky.

I think, too, there's some separation anxiety going on. Ironically he's totally fine at school, the one place I'd expect separation anxiety to be the worst.

My point? I have absolutely no time to do anything. Which includes responding to so many amazing pieces of writing I have sitting in my reader. Also? NaNoWriMo is a no-go for me, I guess, this year.  If you've sent me an email or written something especially beautiful, know that I've read it, but haven't had a hand free to respond. (Well how the hell am I writing this you ask? Autopilot and coffee. No thinking required.)

So um, yeah. Any advice? I'm seriously on the edge here. I am stumped beyond stumped and have pulled out every trick in the book. Everyone tells me this will pass, but I'm dubious.


  1. Sorry crazy is the land you live in. When Kai has gone through strange phases I have found rolling with them and making him as comfortable and safe as possible seems to work best until his fear or whatever passes. For example he loved taking baths and then out of no where started freaking out about them... So I took baths with him for a while until I didn't have to any more. We moved him to a full sized bed and things were great until they weren't for no particular reason. Instead if fighting the regression I started sleeping with him or letting him sleep with us or I would lay w him until he was asleep and then when he woke up in the night sleep w him or move him to our bed. That is what I have done because fighting the "whatever" seems to be futile and more work and exhaustion for me. Good luck and I hope you get some sleep. Besides...sleeping with our boys won't always be an option. Soak up the cuddle time while you can :)

  2. Oh I also wanted to say that Kai is currently in a super clingy separation anxiety mode. I think a lot of it has stemmed from Camille's death and my sadness as well as our car accident but he would cry when I took
    Him to school. It has taken 3 months to get through not wanting to go to school and now he is fine again about being there. I can't go upstairs without him following me or even go from the living room or library into the kitchen without him asking where I am going and following me. It seems like he is 6months old again. I find it somewhat annoying and sometimes I snap at him and tell him to stop freaking out about it but most of the time he just ends up following me around and I tell him where I am going so he knows and doesn't just think I'm leaving him. I don't know how long this will last but it's been going on since July. I know your son is about a year older than mine but I think they will have these little episodes on and off for all of childhood. I guess it's just part of parenting to try and continue to establish a sense of security that allows them to be independent and at the same time helping them know we will be there for them through their tough times. Ugh. It is hard though isn't it? Hugs to you my friend.

  3. Hi MB. I don't have too much time to write, as I hear shrieking from bathtime, which means, soon Daddy will get to the end of his rope and call for Mommy. J went through this at this EXACT SAME TIME LAST YEAR. Age 3 1/2, exactly. It was horrid. Unbelievable. The kid used to nap for three hours, get up at 5:30 and be back down by 8:00 for 12 hours. Then, NADA. No sleep, wouldn't go to sleep, wouldn't stay asleep. Would pitch FITS in the middle of the night (throw stuff around the room, scream, slam the door, etc.) It was UNGODLY. We tried EVERYTHING. I am still not certain exactly why this occurred, only that the weather changed, the time changed, we just got through Halloween, I think school had finally set in (as in, oh crap...she really is going to drop me here, with regularlity?!?!?!). He was trying to master potty training and was in the transition to big boy. So, basically, every major transition a three year old could ask for. What DID work, finally, after major tears and freakage on my part (and I mean back to colicky baby depression freakage), was...calmly returning him to bed, without looking at him, without saying anything. Just tuck again, calm, quiet, no eye contact. Now, my MIL says that my BIL started that behavior around 3 1/2 -4. And she told him he could keep a superman sleeping bag at the foot of her bed if he was scared, but he was not to wake her during the night. It worked. I don't know. The bottom line, if he was sleeping, he will sleep, try not to freak too much (from my own experience) as they will sense that and counter-freak. Not good. I was able to stay more calm than Kev, so I pretty much towed this line. If it makes sense to sleep with him for a bit, do it, but keep in mind, you do want that to end at some point. Do what feels right, that is what worked for me. Give each thing you try about two weeks to see if it works. (I had journals, kept track, tried sticker charts, three strikes you're out, etc, you name it I did it, include read every book). Good luck. I feel exactly where you are. It is not easy. Hang in there.

  4. Poor E. Poor you. That is really tough. Hope he gets to feeling better soon and you get back to some normalcy.

    I've been under a rock too. It isn't very comfortable is it?

  5. No advice, just hoping you all get some sleep soon

  6. Well they're not the same age, but we've been going through something similar with Angus this week. Are those two kids hooking up behind our backs? Like crazy toddler skyping or something? Don't know, but we haven't had much sleep either. I was wondering if it was an ear infection or the last of his teeth (he only has one of his two year old molars to go). Who knows, but it has been hell, so I'm feelin' for y'all.

  7. Especially when they were a little younger, all it took was thinking I had "figured out" something the kids were doing - and they moved on.

    And the merry-go-round started over with trying to determine if something had changed, if something was wrong, if nothing was wrong, if I had done something, if I had left something undone, and what normal might possibly be - if normal existed.

    One good thing, no matter what was happening, it would alter just as abruptly for something else. I guess I should say, *maybe* that was good. At least it was a new problem.

    I feel for you!

    One thing we say {frequently}: "This is your first time ever being kids. It's our first time ever being parents. Everyone is going to make a lot of mistakes. That's normal."

    I can't tell if I'm really stupid - or if parenting is hard. Anyone who tells you they have it all figured out is lying or having an exceptionally good day. Not complaining; I'm thankful. Just didn't know what was required and how often I'd feel bankrupt in the process.

    You sound normal to me,

    Cathy in Missouri

  8. No advice from this quarter. I'm too chicken to even think about adding to our only-child situation. Hope things calm down for you soon.