I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I am a complete fat-ass with a gigantic gut! Can people PUUUUHHHHHLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZ stop reminding me of this?!?!?!
Once AGAIN today someone referenced the alleged baby in my belly. SON. OF. A. BITCH! I could handle it if the people were mean--it's the niceness and sincerity that kills me. I'd have no problem firing back a witty, hurtful retort if the person was malicious. I can't bear to hurt someone's feelings who thinks they are connecting with me--WOMAN TO FREAKING WOMAN.
FUCK! Have NONE of you learned ANYTHING in your years as a woman?! DO NOT COMMENT ON ANOTHER WOMAN'S BODY! EVER! NO MATTER HOW PREGNANT YOU THINK SHE IS!!!!!!!!!
And then I started to cry--went from furious to sniffling in about 40 seconds. I get it. I walk around as the worst sort of nightmare: a poser, a ghost of a pregnant lady who had the worst possible ending. I got kicked out of the club with one swift boot but failed to give back the uniform.
If only I hadn't been in the middle of a yoga class. So much for zen.
Clearly, this isn't the worst thing about having your baby die while inside your body. Far from it. But these are the the far-reaching ramifications, the physical reminder. It's easier to deal with grief than weight loss, I guess.
About Me
- Mary Beth
- My life on the run. Balancing family, mental and physical exercise, and all the emotional baggage accumulated throughout several decades of living.
Fuck . It is definitly one of the worst things! I still think about comments people made. I was staring in the mirror marveling how I still look preggers and wondering why no one has asked when I'm due...then I realized why and immediately felt guilty. I hope you told her you weren't cuz your baby died. Shame on her! You are so right
ReplyDeleteFucking yoga class?!?!?!?!?!? I don't even know how to contain my own anger, let alone yours. Arrrrrrggghhh!
ReplyDeleteThat is absolutely, ludicrously, ridiculously, ironically awful.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for the loss of your little girl. I just read your back story and I am crying tears for you. I wish you got to keep her too. It sucks that this keeps happening and happening. I hate to welcome you to this club.
ReplyDeleteAnd I am sorry you have to deal with comments like this. I don't know why people can't bite their tongue. They should know better by now.