Wednesday, March 17, 2010

On and On and On . . .

I wonder if this will ever end. This "I'm-happy-for-you-but-sad-for-me" phase. With every new spring chicken hatched, it gets a little, well, fuzzier, I guess. But the sting is still there.

It just makes me so sad that the babies are a-plenty for, seemingly, everyone else. But us. But really, I can't indulge in that thinking too much, because we are lucky enough to have our living son.

Thank. The. Fricking. Universe.

Every baby has his or her issues. That idealized baby image goes kaput as soon as that kid comes out screaming. But he, she, whoever, comes out. Screaming. Unlike ours. Son of a fricking beesting.

it's just been a weird couple of days. Ebbs and flows, ebbs and flows goes the grief. It hits without warning, sucker punches me when I'm feeling fine. She's a bitch, she is.

By my count, we've lost:
*our little girl--duh.
*innocence about being/getting/staying pregnant.
*a spring, a summer, a life we'd planned.
*gallons, oceans, buckets of tears.

On and on and on. And when I think about that fateful weekend, I flipflop between "It's already been 2 months" and "It's ONLY been two months."


  1. I don't read blogs, and I certainly don't comment. But, I am compelled. I want you to know that I (and I'm guessing many others) look every day to see what you've posted. Because I think about you, and your loss, and your strength, every, single, day. Thank you for continuing to share.

  2. See, I don't even know how to make my identity known. Wasn't trying to be anonymous. Perhaps I should have.

  3. Someone once told me that every tear shed heals us a little more....and then I would think "Well, I should be well-healed by now!" But, it made me feel a bit better when I was crying and "in it". Keep ebbing and flowing. You are doing everything right.