I'm sorry I've been gone.
I'm sorry I'm still here.
I'm sorry I don't comment.
I'm sorry I comment too much.
I'm sorry I've been crying.
I'm sorry I'm not crying enough.
I'm sorry I want to leave.
I'm sorry I want to stay.
I'm sorry I want time to myself.
I'm sorry I don't want to be alone.
I'm sorry I want to go with.
I'm sorry I want to stay home.
I'm sorry I can't do it.
I'm sorry I'm actually kind of good at it.
I'm sorry I'm so busy.
I'm sorry I have nothing to do.
I'm sorry I seem happy.
I'm sorry I seem so sad.
I'm sorry I care so much.
I'm sorry I don't seem to care at all.
I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.
Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry.
About Me
- Mary Beth
- My life on the run. Balancing family, mental and physical exercise, and all the emotional baggage accumulated throughout several decades of living.
Yes. To all of it. I know. Me too.
ReplyDeleteYes. Me too.
ReplyDeletexo
Ditto. (And I mean that both in the traditional way and just like the movie Ghost.)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for the same things.
ReplyDeletesending love love love. and sorry.
xo
Wholly, yes.
ReplyDeleteAnd I feel less isolated, a little, because you wrote this. Thanks.
Cathy in Missouri
Nodding at every single line.
ReplyDeleteI can't count how many times I've apologised. To everyone and for everything. Sometimes it feels like I can never say it enough.
This post just made me cry, sadness for all of us but also a strange sort of relief, that I'm not the only one with all these apologies stuck in my throat.
I also feel many of these contradicting feelings. Desiring people to acknowledge A & the hell I'm living but also get mad when they treat me differently or walk on eggshells. It's these situations & conflicting emotions that make me feel crazy; like I am certifiably losing my mind.
ReplyDeleteI also feel like I've let everyone (husband, parents, extended family, friends) who were enthusiastically anticipating A's arrival & life.
I am sorry I didn't read this until now. I am sorry for understanding that list. Fuck.
ReplyDelete