Thursday, January 5, 2012

Handle With Care

I wonder, sometimes, why I continue to be surprised by how insensitive people can be. Maybe I should just hide myself away in a cave, far away from anyone else and their opinions.

Often I'm caught off guard by how fragile I still am, and continue to be, even nearly two years away from my baby girl's death and birth. How just a suggestion can shatter me completely.

And then the strange bedfellows I keep really send my head spinning. First the Duggars, and now Rick Santorum? Who AM I?!

So, this morning on msnbc dot com there was an article about the Republican presidential candidate, a list of facts the public might not know about him. And right there, at number four, was the requisite family blurb. Within that bullet point was the fact that his third baby died at 20 weeks gestation. And then he and his wife brought the baby home so their living children could meet him, and cuddle him.

Now, people, please. I'm not going to get political here. However, Mr. Santorum shouldn't, nay, CAN'T count on my vote. But I do empathize with him on this point. The path he travels is quite different from mine, socially-speaking.

But how beautiful for his living children. I wish, now, I'd been able to give E that same gift. He will literally have no memory of his sister, her life, her body, her weight, her black curly hair.

So anyway. This morning I had the pleasure of reading someone's opinion of this particular bullet point, expressing how "creepy" it was of the Santorums to let their living children meet their deceased baby sibling. And immediately I wanted to puke and punch something. (I did neither)

Sigh. Just another example of how people just don't get any of this. Just another way for me to feel like a freak. Just another reminder that we are a motley crew, we mourning parents, and there simply are no boundaries separating any of us. We are all connected through dumb shit luck, forever.


  1. If my vote counted, I don't think that Mr. Santorum could count on mine either.

    But yes, hearing his actions described as 'creepy' made me feel nauseous and punchy. And that I would also like to go and live in a cave, far away from all that insensitivity and poison.

  2. Hey, you are so not a freak. Maybe a victim of freakishly, fiendishly bad luck/cosmic diarrhea/shitty happenstance, but you are enlightened, and you have spread that wisdom generously. Don't let others make you feel bad about being an honest, open-hearted dead-and-live-baby mama.

  3. Just thinking of you...I know Calla's two year birthday is coming up and I am sure you are reliving every second of those days and minutes up until she was delivered. I wish she was here with us living and breathing-I will send out a few cosmic thoughts and prayers-I am hoping she sends a little sign your way. -Heather L

  4. Oh, Mary Beth, a cave sounds so uncomfortable. How about a secluded island. I'll come. But really, this is one of so many things people don't really think about. They think dead. They don't think baby. You are not a freak. It's amazing though where the stabs pop up, though isn't it.

    And of course you are still fragile. Almost two years isn't all that long, and I think year two is as hard as year one, but in a different way.

  5. I sure as hell don't think I'd vote for him either, from what I know, but I sure as hell can empathise with the guy. Feeling freakish with him, and you, and wishing none of us were in this fucked up club.
    I want out. You wan't out with me?

  6. UGH...I found this blog link once of a list of all the celebrities who have had children die. I always think that if more people in the public eye had a devastating thing like what happened to us, happen to them, then more people would empathize or some such thought process. I realize that this is just not the case. It is just not!
    I have written before about one of my biggest and life long regrest will be that I did not let Kai meet Camille. He was in the same room with her, she was behind a curtain. FUCK! It kills me inside and makes my stomach do loops that I did not let him meet her. I didn't do it but some republican shmuck figured it out. well good for him. I hope his children appreciated what he has done for them. You are not a freak...everyone else are just ignorant assholes.

  7. I understand punch or puke.

    I think of you. Sending love.

  8. I also disagree with most everything Rick Santorum says (and probably the Duggars too for that matter) but I do feel a connection and I hate when others are criticized for loving and caring for their babies. I want to scream to all the naive people "you have NO idea! And you better be thankful for that!" I get that the idea of a dead baby is scary. Until you see one and realize, he or she is just a baby. Not scary, just perfect, and sad.